Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my mother. My mother passed away in 1980 and I never really got the chance to tell her how much I loved her.     She suffered a massive heart attack soon after we had an argument and I had left the house.  I hope you find these words as comforting as I found them when I first read them.

 Forgive your mother!  Forgive her not for the things she has done or not done or for the things she said or has not said.  Forgive her because it is the only way to open your heart to self-forgiveness.  Forgive her not because you don’t have a right to be upset about the way she has handled some things in her life and in your life.  Forgive her not because she was right in making you feel wrong, or because she was wrong when she failed to acknowledge that you were right.  Forgive your mother because until you do, there will always be a void in your heart. 

Forgive your mother for the many, many times she was not the mother you wanted her to be.  Forgive her for the times she did not do things the way you needed them done.  Forgive your mother for not protecting you or speaking out in your behalf.  Forgive her for not guiding you in the right direction and for the times she totally lost her direction, dragging you along with her.  Forgive your mother for demanding things from you that she could not provide for you or for herself.  Forgive your mother whether or not she did anything wrong or bad to you.  Forgive her not because you are excusing whatever she did or however it affected you.  Forgive your mother because holding judgments against her has a devastating impact on your soul.  The judgments you hold will eventually break your heart.  Forgive your mother because the truth is, she did the best she could whether you would like to believe it or not. You may have been harboring judgments or negative opinions about your mother and the way she did or did not mother you.  

Just for today, forgive yourself for judging your mother.  Once you do, there will be nothing left to forgive her for.

 ~Iyanla~

Originally posted on http://cordiebw.com/2008/12/30/forgive-your-mother-iyanla-vanzant/